Kiss Me & I’ll Kiss You Back – The Other Side of Domestic Violence

After seeing all the media coverage regarding the Ray Rice domestic violence controversy, which I found extremely disturbing on so many levels, I can’t help but remember the first time I saw a man boy hit a girl.  I must have been in elementary school, because I can recall hearing a silly rhyme and seeing a huddle of kids shouting, “Fight – FIGHT! I was shocked and terrified. Shocked – as I couldn’t believe a girl was ACTUALLY fighting a boy and terrified that he had ABSOLUTELY NO problem with it.

Prior to that moment, I had never seen a fight between a boy and a girl.  I couldn’t fathom a man hitting a woman and my kid brain could not process why a woman would think she should-could-need to be able to hit a man.  I wasn’t raised that way.  I never saw my father place his hands on my mother to harm her in anyway and I never saw my mother threaten or raise her hand to hit my father.

Like most, I was raised with basic dos and don’ts for hands

  1. Wash your hands before you eat.
  2. Wash your hands after you use the bathroom.
  3. Keep your hands to yourself.
  4. If someone hits you, hit them back.

One and two, obviously self explanatory, but three and four… keep your hands to yourself, but if someone hits you, hit them back.  What does that mean?  You take it how you live it?  You give as good as you get?

When does TIT for TAT become TOO MUCH?

I don’t know, but I do know until I read the Wikipedia definition after 23 years together and 20 years of marriage, I actually thought I was guilty of domestic violence, and if I wasn’t guilty; I was certainly a victim.  Yes.  I have hit my spouse.  Yes.  He has hit me.  No – neither would be considered a pattern of behavior.  No. I would never press charges, neither would he. No.  I am not a victim nor have I every committed an act of domestic violence.  This is a very serious accusation and it should be treated as such.

Has there ever been an item on fire in my house?
Has my house ever been on fire?  NO!


I can’t speak on the Rice’s situation (or anyone else’s) and I hope they are able to work through it.  Unfortunately having loss an acquaintance to domestic violence, I pray that if Janay Rice is a victim of domestic violence that she seeks help.  However, I do know sometimes a kiss is just a kiss – even if it does feel like a ton of bricks. And when that happens, sometimes you truly get as good as you give.  With that being said, I know for a fact, if you kiss me I’ll kiss you back.


I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)

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